Wednesday, May 20, 2009

30 things to do before u turn 30

NOTE: these are random and in no particular order... so!
1. get laid. no...seriously. dont go AC Green and wait till you are 40. GO Get freaking laid; NOW! ..but wear a rubber dude.
2. get drunk. a lot. explanation necessary.
3.avoid responsibility like the plague. as far as you should be concerned it is. cause seriously...nothing good comes from responsibility, other than work...and no one likes work. NO ONE. Anyone who says they like work is lying. to Europe. this is really just furthering the first three. but there is the added benefit of many good picture opportunities, the bullshit you can tell people who claim to be responsible that you are culturing yourself (which is the biggest load of shit, you go to europe for the food, booze, and women/men depending on how you swing), and the stamps on your passport...word
5. CLIMB something. I was going to climb Mount Rainier, but it turns out that is like 14,000 feet high. so NOPE... yea..i settled for el pico duarte - true story. which is about 9000. it seemed more realistic. but uh..feel free to be more ambitious, but if you attempt to climb any mountain where you need oxygen, you are an idiot.
6. hang out with a midget...again no explanation needed
7. stage a violent regime overthrow in a small country. liechtenstein was pretty easy to take over. it got boring after a hotpockets there.. so I left...but i might suggest maybe myanmar? word...
8. make fun of France and Canada whenever possible. you dont even need a reason...and it NEVER gets old...ever
9. take pictures of yourself jump kicking or jump high fiving...ha...word.. get in on the new thing before it becomes played out and "french" (see how easy 8 is?).
10. spend an entire day on your couch. this takes serious planning. Key Items to remember: get small fridge and place near couch to keep your potations fresh, fresh batteries in your remote, strict bathroom rules to avoid cheating, and the key is being the laziest person alive. 11. punch a bum...and yes this might seem harsh, but its on the list, so go do it now! and if you already have, go do it again.
12. apologize to above bum. WHY? well... there is a good chance he is crazy, and he doesnt have anything to lose. but he will probably appreciate the human interaction. QUE SWEET!
13. Go to college. once again this is another good way to further the first 3 points.
14. write a book. It will probably suck and not get published, because you are likely an idiot and have nothing interesting to say, but at least you can say you are shopping your novel... this may or may not get you laid once, which would make it worthwhile. (you might even be able to use this for 1)
15. I am really running out of stuff at this point. so eat a hamburger or something...a BIG one
16. Invade Canada. How hard could it be?
17. while youre at it...Invade France. if you encounter any problems, tell them you are german and they will run for the hills. (by the way, if you are french and reading this, as far as you know i am german - from the eastside).
18. get drunk at the beach, toss the football around with your friends, overthrow someone horribly and nail a small child in the back. i achieved good results with this move. -major karma points
19. if ever confronted with an opportunity to administer a "dutch oven", do not hesitate. if youre not 100% sure what this m'kay thanks?
20. read BOOKS. It will make you less stupid. you will still be stupid, but marginally less so, which may help you get laid.
21. mastermind the robbery of a french bank. If caught, tell them you are german... at this point you ask yourself whats my beef with the french? nobody likes freedom fries! FGWB!
22. burn down a gym. it will be doing everyone a favor. damn those healthy people to hell!
23. move to the beach and become a burn out., no, dont do that. there are already enough beach jerks. on second thought, instead buy a farm and dont bother me... one that grows something edible, and delicious! buy a hotpocket farm, yes, edib-licious!
24.get a crappy arm band tatoo. that way I will know you are an idiot.
25.attend atleast one major sporting event..superbowl? the olympics? maybe world cup?
26. recently added to my list... "skydive". PAUSE.. one major lil shitkick to this request is that you must be under 240 in order to do so - maybe not so much in MY immidiate future?
27. brew your own beer. this is actually a pretty easy task,and "fulfilling" nothing better than drinkin your own brand
28. be a member of a tv audience show. preferably a talk show with flying chairs, or people that get light on fire. must do, must must must, do.
29. plant a tree! heal the world, make it a better place, for you, and for me, and for the entire human race, there are..........people ..oh my god.. get it out of my head. HELP ME HELP MEHELPMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
30.. don't die. cause... really..probably the most important thing to do before you are 30. trust me.

No comments: