Wednesday, May 20, 2009

HOW TO THURSDAYS: how to get someone to stop talking to you

so word...everyone has been in this situation. you inadvertantly.. possibly through your mere presence.. triggered a conversation you want no part of. for example.. i was throwing some internet time many moons ago and my mom entered my room.. started giving me the lowdown on her whole day and asking about word...usually i know better. but i foolishly opened the door by expanding on my day. ROOKIE mistake number 1. before I knew it my moms was telling me about some parent of some kid that may or may not have been in my sisters class in high school (remember... this was more than 10 years ago) whose husband might have died. not a fun convo. here is a guide to avoid these conversations:

1. wear headphones all the time....word... this is KEY...every waking moment. sleeping. eating. showering (may need waterproof ones). boning chicks. ALWAYS. doesnt even matter if you have the headphones connected to any sort of audio device. its about the statement to the world... "I don't want to listen to what you have to say...wrd additionally.. i dont care about what you have to say... and finally... what you have to say is most likely mindlessly stupid so save everyone the effort of fake listening to you."

2. Go "costanza" and look angry and exasperated all the time. people will think you are busy...and will leave you alone.. but since you are reading this blog... this clearly is a no matter. most people are dumb. if someone approaches... sigh audibly and get a pained expression on your face (just imagine you just found out your best friend was a bandwagon Patriots fan).

3. If forced to actually communicate.. keep it simple. never more than 3 words at a time. another good play is to act like you have tourrettes syndrome and cuss at inappropriate times.

4. Never look the person trying to talk you in the face... it will convey to them that as far you are concerned they dont exist.

5. If none of this works... this calls for drastic measures. throat punches...japanese slaps... contract killers.. do whatever it takes!


footnote: if you've noticed me practicing any of the above conversation avoidance techniques on talk too much. STOP. thanks.

1 comment:

Nikki aka @Kookies_N_Kream said...

U are goofy as hell!! I must admit I do the headphones thing a lot...doesn't always work, but I'll keep #'s 2-5 in mind next time! :)